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Life Has a Way

Life has a way of giving you just what you need when you need it.  The question is: are your eyes open to the gifts that are given?

Sometimes I shut down.  This is particularly true after I have reached a goal or won some victory.  I don’t feel that it is a bad thing.  It is good to rest; resting allows your soul and body to recuperate.  I have noticed however, that it can be hard to reenter the flow of life if I am still for too long.

How do you know when it is time to jump back in?  How do you know in what direction to focus your efforts?

You empty yourself of personal desires, you find your quiet place, and you ask the Universe to make your path clear.  Waiting for a reply can take time, be patient.  If you are patient enough and your heart willing enough, the answer will always come.

I have had two beautiful experiences recently that illustrate how the Universe always takes care of me.  It has been has clear to me that I am to write every morning, though I may not understand how incredibly important it is, I still must do it.  I have made half-ass attempts at committing to this activity.  My HUGE downfall is that I do not like to get out of bed in the morning.  I do not get up early enough to spend a solid hour writing.  My commitment has been weak.

I was traveling home via plane a few weeks ago and I met a most marvelous man.  We had a wonderful conversation and I was delighted by his genuine spirit.  Among other things, he explained to me how he writes every morning and how important this practice is to him.  He spoke with such conviction on the topic that I felt the Universe was reminding me that I am meant to be doing this as well.  What a solid reminder.

My second message was delivered this week.  I found myself wandering around Barns & Noble looking at all of the different books.  I could feel that I was meant to start a new learning journey, but I did not understand what the topic was.  Not too many years ago, I would have pounced on the first thing that I found slightly interesting and forced myself to try and be a good student.  This has never worked out; I always get bored because it is not what I am truly meant to be studying.  I now practice a different approach.  I open my heart, and I ask the energy that surrounds what direction I must take.

Just two days later I met another unique and beautiful soul.  We had a conversation that brings me finally to this point of knowing how I am going to fulfill my purpose in life.  He is going to teach me how to clear my chakras and open myself to healing energy.  This is something that I feel I have tried to do intuitively, but it has not been clear.  I am going to learn how to meditate each morning so that energy can flow through me unobstructed.  And if it is meant to be, I will have the privilege of teaching others the same.  I cannot explain to you how his words seemed so right, as if my soul has been waiting all these human years be at this point.

In the course of just two weeks two perfect people were introduced into my life to drive home the truth.  I am to meditate each morning and write whatever words of love I find flowing through me.  I am here to serve others and help guide them on their healing journey.

If you have an open mind and set your priorities aside, have the humility to ask for guidance, and the patience to wait for an answer, life will always show you the way.

What wonderful truths are manifesting in your life?

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View the World through Their Eyes

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes.

I was recently witness to an extreme example of this proverb.  It strongly reminded me that we should always try to see things from the other person’s point of view before we speak or act rashly.

A woman was adamantly complaining to a man that she was being followed around his establishment.  She was obviously very upset, and it was quite apparent that she had a few marbles loose.  After the woman left, a group of people gathered to learn what all of the commotion was about.  The woman had made it clear that she was being followed around the establishment, in fact, it wasn’t just this establishment, but everywhere she went.  She was always being followed!

I immediately felt sympathy for this woman’s condition, how terrible it must be to always be aware of a sniper’s bead on you, hiding around ever corner, waiting just for you.  I can’t even imagine that kind of fear!  To my horror, the group started mocking the woman and joking about how funny it would be to actually stalk this woman, to make her nightmare a reality.  They acted out a scene where they ducked and dodged behind cover, all the while stalking their prey with fiendish grins plastered on their faces.  I was dumb founded.  These congenial lap dogs were transformed before my eyes into hungry wolves, eager to lap up the hysteria of a delusional woman.

Imagine, for one moment, that you are this woman.  You know that you are being followed.  You are scared to death because the people following you are everywhere, you are safe nowhere.  You are afraid to leave your home because they will be there.

What are you afraid of?  Heights, loud noises, speeding cars, what is it for you?  Now imagine that someone knows your fear, but they don’t own that particular fear themselves.  They tease you for that trepidation.  They talk about how tall a sky scraper is, how high an airplane flies, how deep a canyon is, they mock and laugh at you; they gain entertainment by heckling you.  How would you feel?

The next time a person bruises your ego, leaves you feeling confused or hurt, when you feel heated words or actions rising in your mind, force yourself to pause and place yourself in the other person’s position.  View the world through their eyes.

I didn’t say anything to admonish these people.  Maybe I was too shocked to speak.  I feel that I should have spoken up; it was my own desire to preserve my life that kept my mouth shut.  It is difficult to oppose the panting jaws of a riled pack; them against me.  Maybe this post is my attempt to set things right.  I implore you, slow down, and think before you act.

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Perseverance

I feel empty today, and I do not like it.  Lately, it has been hard for me to just float with it…. I try to guide my ship; this is the mother of tension that buries itself deep between my shoulder blades.  I sit here, and I wait for inspiration to hit.  I crave the sweet kiss of revelation, as much for myself as for you.

I am a perfectionist; big surprise, right?  Everything has a proper place and I want everything to exist where it should.  Do I really desire such black and white lines; i’s dotted and t’s crossed – no, of course not.  How boring, drab brown clothing worn under gray skies.  If there were no odd angles, where would the sun play; bouncing and jumping, flicking with delight on the irregularity of shapes?  So then, what is my obsession with being correct?  A desire to own control, to hold it in hands that do not exist.

Why then, do I want control?  In truth, I do not wish to place my studded collar around the neck of everything that walks.  Who would want that kind of responsibility?  No, it is not control that I seek.  It is fun.  I want to have fun and I am throwing a temper tantrum because I am not getting what I want.  What a freeing realization!  I am not a stuffy, old broad looking to make sure that everything goes according to her plan.  I am a child that is upset because my life is, boring.  The catastrophes of a screaming toddler are much simpler to fix than the bemoanings of a bitter, old woman.

Now then, I am an unruly child…. what is to be done to make me happy?  Never stop working towards the things that I want.  I want sun, I want sky diving, I want snorkeling, I want horse back riding and mountain climbing.  I need adventure, to be as alive as I possibly can be.  This is what I have always wanted.  How do you get what you want?  You never give up.

Never give up.
Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did.
- Newt Gingrich

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Why Am I Here?

What do I want?  Is that what it is about?  There is a build up of feeling inside of me; I cannot peg its owner.  Restless, irritated, anger, excitement, resentment, anticipation, feelings of inadequacy…?  What are you that lives inside of me?  What do you want?

I feel that I am not enough, or I don’t have enough, or something to that effect.  I read, I learn, I think – what is missing?  Sitting in a quiet space.  Allowing myself to be a part of the universe.  I have my desires.  It is not always about me.  With my human mind I do not have the ability to understand why things happen as they do in my life.  All of these best laid plans of mine, what are they worth?  I am like a man building a road with only the beam of a flash light to see his way.  Foolishness.  I must be more like a blind man who relies on every other sense to guide his feet.

Being distracted by all of the things I see only delays arrival at my goal.  Each time I am on track, my mind comes up with a “better” way to do it.  If only I can master the art of quieting my over eager mind.  A petulant child always seeking the next thing, unable to find happiness because it fails to find focus.

I feel ashamed to realize that I am just like everyone else, all I seek is recognition.  Something to set me apart from the masses.  Upon further review, I understand that I should not beat myself up for this want.  I am one part of the whole.  I am human, I need not deny that I feel the desires of a human.  In recognizing that these feelings are nothing other than what I am designed to feel, a sweet release is experienced.  There is nothing wrong, dirty or disdainful about me.

Maybe it is time to accept that I am in a human body.  Though I understand that I am more than just a human, that we are all more than just a body, it is hard to be confined in a human container.  It feels like I am walking around in a dream, nothing goes the way I know it should.  The abilities that I know I have are unreachable.  I cannot see as far nor as clearly as I know I should be able to.  This life is a dream that I cannot wake up from.

I crave nothing more strongly than to drop into this place of familiarity.  Instead, I live in a foreign land, home sick.  My mind does not understand all of this.  It only knows that there is an emotion of restlessness and unhappiness inside of me.  As my loyal servant, it is constantly trying to appease me, always trying to replace the empty space with fulfillment.  It will always make efforts in vain, despite all it does.  In this moment, I have learned more compassion for my mind.  It is only trying its best to serve me.

When I sit here, and I write, I feel that I sit with an old friend that I have not visited with in a long while.  The reason I want to be a writer, is because I want to be in this space of perfectness all the time, I don’t want to have to have a job to pay the bills.  I am not meant to trade time for dollars so that I can then trade those dollars for living.  I want this beautiful space to be all I need.  The reason why I find lack in writing stories is because it is a task, it is not this communion.  I am like so many before me, I am trying to monetize this feeling of spirituality, fulfillment.

My mind can never be as an adult, just as a dog can never reach the thinking level of an adult human.  My mind is limited by nature, it is simply the creature it is and cannot be expected to perform on the level of spirit.  Understanding this releases me from my false expectation.

So then, what is the point of this life?  The answer to that lies just outside of my periphery of sight.  I don’t know what the point is.  Maybe there isn’t a predesigned reason for me being in this human body existing on this earth.  Perhaps it is all chance, perhaps it is not.  One day I may be enlightened enough to know what my reason of existence is.  Or, maybe I never will know.

How then, do I keep from going crazy?  My human is a creature of desires and goals.  How do I exist contently on this earth when I do not feel like I belong here?  Spend as much time as I can in this space.  Use music, use writing, use breathing, whatever means of meditation I can to stay connected to my source.  At least here I do not feel alone.

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Make a Routine – And Follow It!

What makes a good day?

At first, it is easy to think that the answer is different for everyone.  This is not true.  What makes a good day for anyone is having your time filled with happiness.

Many of us know what makes us happy and we get excited about those days when we can do the things that lead to euphoria.  However, so many times, even though we know the things that make us happy, we do not do them.  Why kind of lunacy is this?

A friend of mine who is trained in Ayurveda, a form of medicine that originated in India, told me that he knows the cure for depression.  He said it is so simple that most people will not do it.  The cause of depression is lack of routine.  At first I thought, no way!  But, the more I think about it, even if I don’t understand why it is true, upon reflection I realized that this is true for me.

As much as we may want to run-a-muck, we need structure.  I always feel better when I wake up at the same time and have the same morning routine.  If I do it for a week I feel great, and if I fall off for a weak, I start feeling bummed.  It becomes harder to get back in the swing of it, even though I know that routine gives me happiness.

We have a routine because there are things we enjoy or want to accomplish.  Each morning I wake up, drink some water, go to the gym, come home, make coffee, read a personal growth book for half an hour, shower, eat breakfast.  This is what I do because these are the things that make me happy.  This routine is the same on the days I work and those I don’t.  On the days I rest from working out I fill that time with more reading or sleeping, whichever I feel is more important on that day.

A routine in and of itself is not a complex thing.  What makes a routine difficult is lack of self discipline.  Set your routine and stick to it.  You will feel better about yourself and your life, I promise.  On days when you have more flexibility, if you choose to make an itinerary for your day, stick to it!  When you fail to do the things you said you were going to do, discontent sets in.

If you fail to follow your routine in the first part of the day and you start to feel icky, jump back on your train!  Here are a few steps to take to get you back on top of your day:

 

  • Know what makes you happy – Take a moment and stop doing whatever you are doing.  Have some tricks up your sleeve that get you recalibrated: music that makes you feel good, lighting candles in the middle of the day because you like the way they smell, reading a couple chapters of your favorite book, taking a walk, etc..
  • You have all of the time in the world!  Often, a false sense of a time crunch makes us feel discontent.  We have fallen out of routine, things are not getting done the way we want them to and we feel like we are running out of time.  What bogus!  I plan to live to be at least 100 years old, that means that I have at least 73 more YEARS to get stuff done.  Time limits are the death of productivity.
  • Pick up where you are in your day and start over.  Don’t think about what you haven’t gotten done today, the past is behind you.  Wipe your mind clean, look at your list, start fresh and move forward.  You will be amazed at how fast you feel good again.
  • Let your routine change.  If you are dreading your routine, change it.  Just make sure you stick to the new one.  The point of a routine is not to make you do things that you don’t want to do.  The goal is to add structure and stability to your life so you FEEL GOOD and are HAPPY.

 
Today, I decided that what makes me happy is taking the day off of work and writing.  I wrote this blog, that makes me feel good.  I am going to work on my book, that makes me feel EXCITED!  I can’t wait to find out what happens next to my characters, they are becoming more alive and that is fun!  If they become too boring I can throw a wrench in their engine to stir things up.

I lit candles because I like the smell.  I have Pandora on playing my favorite music.  I will probably take the dogs out at some point.  I need to go get eggs and some things for dinner.  For my day to be a success, I must do these things.  When I reflect on the day I will see that I did what I said I was going to do and I will feel accomplishment.  If I don’t feel like doing something at the time, I will just have to get over it and do it anyway because if I don’t, I will not feel happy.

Find your routine, and do it.  Happiness awaits!

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What Makes You Happy?

I no longer have an inkling of a desire to play by societies rules.  What does being a good participant get you?  Frustrated, never feeling like you have enough, always reaching for the next thing.

I grew up on a farm; we raised beef, chickens, pigs, sheep and had horses and dogs, we didn’t eat the horses or the dogs.  We also had a large garden and our yard had a ton of fruit trees in it.  It took half a day to mow the yard and every morning and evening there were plenty of chores to be done.  Ever since I left that lifestyle, my goal has been to get back to it.  I went to college so that I could get a good job so that I could afford to buy some land and live that lifestyle a gain.

Recently, my boyfriend and I have struck gold.  We realized that all either of us wants is to grow animals and plants and enjoy life.  We want to unplug from society, let all of these useless rules drop to our feet like an unwanted garment.  Mind you, we do not want to disavow community, we love being a part of a group of people that supports one another, we are simply done with the rules that govern groups of people.

In all of the reading we have both done, one thing stands clear: know what you want and don’t worry about how it is going to happen.  I want to have a farm where we can raise everything we need for food so we don’t have to worry about all of the garbage that is in our “food” these days.  I want to spend my days doing chores, reading and writing and being connected to my source (God, Universe, Tao whatever you choose to call it).  I want to walk barefoot through the grass and dirt, wiggling my toes deep into the earth.  I want to enjoy each moment of my life because I am living in that exact moment.

I must stay focused on the fact that I do not need to figure out how to make this happen, I must simply keep my intention clear.  And for the first time in a long time, I am excited about an intention.  This one fits.  Having stripped away all desire to make money and to be somebody, I find that my desires are simple.

A sense of irresponsibility creeps into my space.  I do have bills to get caught up on.  I am a woman plagued by guilt; it nips at my heels like a small dog.  I have debt to pay, but do I need to try to fill every hour of my time making a measly amount of money so that I can add a raindrop to an ocean?  Or, do I do the best I can and enjoy my life along the way?  I do have another 100 years to live, surely that is enough time.

What makes me happy?  Giving up the rules of the game and living life for what it is; a beautiful adventure.

 

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Tempting Death

If she could die right now it wouldn’t be too late, she knew she would be able to catch him.  Megan’s scream rattled the pine needles as the hooves of her horse frantically beat a path through the forest.  Inhaling sharply she let her screech loose again, praying that some of her agony would be released with it.  A sob caught in her throat and she leaned forward pounding the sides of her mount with her heals, willing a tree root to trip the horse, send them tumbling, snapping both of their necks.  She begged death to take her.

Soon, Megan understood that as much as she tempted the grim reaper, he wasn’t going to oblige her.  She allowed her horse to slow to a walk; his sides heaving, white lather streaking his neck where the reigns had rubbed.  Hanging her head Megan began to weep uncontrollably.

“Why did you have to leave me?” She whispered between sharp breaths.  “You ass hole!” Every muscle in Megan’s body contracted with the force of her words.

“Why?” she whimpered as her mount changed his direction towards home.

Death doesn’t answer just because it is summoned.  It calls names, and an individual doesn’t always have a choice when it beckons.  As the sound of needles crackled under hooves Megan thought about a couple of nights ago and how she had known he was dead before she had turned in for the night.  The last sound he left her with was laughter as he told her he loved her and he had to go.  She had hoped that her premonition was wrong, that he would call her in the morning and tell her everything was ok.

It wasn’t him who called at 7:03 AM.  It wasn’t him.  She had burst into tears and ran screaming into the living room, handing the phone to her startled mother.  Megan curled into a ball on the couch for a moment, and then jumped up wailing back to her bedroom.  If she kept moving the truth wouldn’t catch her.

His was the first dead body she had every seen.  Megan was startled by how cold his skin was, it felt rubbery as if he were made from plastic, just a dummy lying there on the cold steel table.  Watching his father burst into tears and fall to the ground in a broken heap had been the hardest part.  She had never seen a grown man cry like that before.

Too exhausted now to even cry, Megan allowed her horse to find his own way home.  Her last hope was that he would forget the way and wander into nothingness forever.  Horses always know which way home is.

Megan’s boyfriend had made it hundreds of miles, through millions of trees.  Five miles from home, he raced around the last corner into the clearing, spun out of control, turned a hundred and eighty degrees and hit the only tree within three hundred yards.  She wondered if he had thought about the possibilities when he took his first drink that night.