We live in a world that encourages multitasking and getting something accomplished during every second of every day. There is no time for sleep, you must always be doing. If you are not busy, then you are not productive, and that is bad. This life of busyness leaves me feeling exhausted, confused and unfulfilled. I think for some people a fast paced whirlwind really works; it invigorates them and makes them feel alive. I, on the other hand, feel like a wet rag thrown carelessly on the floor.
In today’s world there is no time for leisure, in any activity, including love. Maybe it is the advent of the internet, fast automobiles and highways that has fed this monster of social speed. Why take a number of months or years to get to know someone when you could just get right to the chase? “I find you attractive; let’s talk body parts and orgasms. Better yet, let’s just get down to business.”
Where does that leave us? The same place the rest of hurried lives leave us, desiring more. I feel like society has taught me to be ashamed of my modesty and reserve. Billboards, tv shows, magazines, conversations with friends, they all tell me that modesty is a frivolous, prudish thing. I should be bold and naked like everyone else. I should own fancy cars and cloths, smell like an exotic goddess and have an air of mystery about me. This is not my nature, and finally, I am ok with that.
I LOVE reading classic literature written by the likes of Charles Dickens, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Emily Bronte, Jane Austin and Edith Wharton. These love stories hold such a deep fascination for me. In their worlds, this strange, old fashioned thing called “courtship” existed. Two people would spend months or years going to balls where they would dance, laugh, play music and have lengthy discussions. They took the time to write letters and dream about one another. Living ten miles apart was a big deal. It would take hours rather than minutes to see the object of their desire.
I think that courtship can take us a long way in other areas of our lives as well. Don’t you appreciate a new car so much more when you have worked for years to be able to afford it? I giggle at the idea of courting my future vehicle. But this allows me to dream about it, think about what I really want it to be, how the leather feels against my skin, the solidness of the steering wheel, the smell of the pine trees drifting in through the window as I wind my way up a mountain road. Courtship cultivates anticipation and helps create attachment, trust and satisfaction. These are good, healthy emotions whether they are directed towards objects or people.
Why should I burn through my life so fast? Where am I trying to go? In the end, death of this body is what awaits us all. Will I wish that I had had more lovers, faster cars, worked harder, earned more money or had more things? This answer is different for all of us. Me, when I look back at my life, I want to know that I lived each moment to its fullest. Gently squeezing each pregnant second, begging for that moment to tell me all of its secrets. What do we miss by skipping so quickly from minute to minute? What is lost in that rushed breath in between?
The idea of respecting each moment enough to slow down and appreciate it, court it, plead with it to tell me everything it knows, makes me smile. Having the modesty to not throw my whole self wide open to the world makes me feel valuable. Courtship and modesty go far beyond the bounds of love. I wonder how I can court someone or be modest when I have first not given myself that same respect. Take a few steps back, why should I be in such a hurry to know me? Maybe that is the best love affair of them all.